What I learned.

New Year's Day is my mother’s 88th birthday and the fourth anniversary of when she came to Florida. Most of you know that health issues turned a short visit into an extended stay and then a permanent move.

In the last four years I found out a lot about mom and about myself:
She does not like to make new friends but is loyal if you are her friend already.
She is actually shy.
She likes her clothes to match.
She folds clothes perfectly (even the underwear)

She loves sweets, ice cream and pastry.
She loves shrimp cocktail and hot sauce.
She will not try any new foods.
She loves pasta and would eat it every day.
She can sit in the sun for hours.
She has zero short-term memory.
She is cold when it is 90 outside.
She has been brainwashed by the “right” side of the Catholic Church. EWTN 24/7
She thinks she is going to die if she doesn’t go poop every day.
She would never say the word “poop” or “fart”.
She thinks everyone is going to hell.

Her stroke disabilities have caused her to reverse things; if she is talking about a white dog, I know it is really black. If she says it is 3:00 o’clock, it is 9:00 o’clock. I realized the problem with numbers when she was trying to write a recipe.

Her stroke also left her with no peripheral vision in both eyes so if she does not turn her head she does not see things. She is VERY stubborn and refuses to turn her head even though it would give her twenty-twenty vision if she did.

Mom is very childlike at this stage in her life. It is hard to believe that she was once the feisty, strong assertive businesswoman. She has so much trouble remembering what her life was like except for what it was like the year before she came. I like to make her happy and have found that she loves to get presents and cards.

I have tons of patience with my own kids and my students but sadly very little with mom. Which is why I think God sent mom here to stay with us. He wants me to learn patience, kindness, tolerance, and acceptance.
Happy Birthday Mom. I Love You.

Dear Dutchie

Dear Dutchie,

It seems like a short while ago that you lost your battle with cancer. You were the “Auntie Mame” the “Martin Matriarch”. Each time the family gathered you made sure every second was filled with fun and excitement.

Although I am one of the “outlaws” of the family I have been a part of the Martins for forty years. We traveled to Washington for many reunions from Jersey, Ohio and even Florida. Trust me we carried on in Martin tradition.

You would have been so proud of Cap & Kenny’s branch this year as they tried to organize a gathering to rally and make new memories for a new generation. I felt your presence and know you were with us.

Darcy channeled you when she argued with the front desk with their unacceptable service.

I saw Kelly gather up the kids and fly kites on the beach, something you would have done.

Chuck took the kids to the water slides and played with them in the pool for hours. He fed an alligator chicken to the delight of the kids.

Deanna was the official swim teacher, and family photographer. Her smile was contagious.

Darcy and Kelly sang Karaoke as the family whooped and cheered.

Annie, Patti, Joanie, Kelly, Kara were a great audience reminiscing and laughing at the kids antics.

Fred was “Doctor Fred” diagnosing and giving advice in the pool. Dan said that was his new handle. He finally got rid of the nickname “Feet”.

Even the “outlaws” John Mark and Paul spent some bonding time on golf course.

The littlest “cousins” were all BFF’s and eager each day to see each other. The big kids made memories with the little ones. Annie went on the never ending ride with Ellerie, while Brayden and Aiden braved a roller coaster with a cheering crowd and Fred took Abbie on her first big Ferris Wheel.

We went to nice restaurants, tried new foods, and listened to music. We played Martin trivia with the old cards, updated questions, and added a few new ones from new memories. But most of all we promised to try to get together again and make sure those who could not come this time would want to come the next gathering.

We love and miss you Dutchie. Thank you for teaching us the importance of family.

Vacations are like looking in a mirror.

Sometimes you learn things you like and sometimes you learn what you don’t.

I felt like I was on the show “Intervention” when my family made me aware:

I don’t know how to properly put on sunscreen.

Who gets a perm in the middle of summer???

My clothes would fit better if I were measured for a bra.

My toes are too gross to color.

I walk way too slow.

My boobs should NEVER be photographed in a bathing suit.

I have trouble making Kraft Mac n Cheese.

Apparently, I have a unibrow.

I still get drunk on one drink.

But these things I do know:

I admire Annie’s sophisticated Shabby Chic, her patience and parenting skills.

Paul ate wings every day.

Abbie is nurturing, sensitive and likes to compete like her mom & dad.

Paul ate wings every day.

I am in awe of Ethan’s math & rummy skills and ability to make you feel special.

Paul ate wings every day.

Ellerie’s impish twinkle makes me melt and she is the textbook youngest child.

Paul ate wings every day.

Martin reunions are still a hoot and everyone likes to party.

Paul ate wings every day.

Fred is my number one fan no matter what.

Happy Birthday Daughter

Jaime

It is a beautiful gift to be able to be here with you on your birthday. It triggers so many happy memories watching you parent your little ones. It seems like only yesterday when you were smiling back at me while you were eating a bowl of noodles. Your Shirley Temple curls in two little pony-tails and your uneven bangs from where you put gum in your hair and tried to cut it out with your friend John.

Is this the little girl who rode her tricycle up and down the sidewalk stark naked every day?

Is this the little girl who in her Wonder Woman Underoos went sailing off the couch trying to fly and landed smack on the end of the coffee table only to receive ten stitches on her little cheek. You had a major shiner that year for your Easter pictures.

Is this the little girl who had tea parties with her imaginary friends and an entire conversation? I used to love to watch you ask a question and then jump up from the chair, run over to the other side of the table sit down and answer the question.

Is this the little girl who gave 100% and tried so hard to be more than Annie’s little sister?

Is this the little girl who found her own in high school and starred in the H.S. musical? You honed your musical talents and went on to become a drum corps performer able to perform solos in front of stadiums of 40,000 people. You would take daddy and my breath away.

As a young married woman you blossomed. You are assertive, gentle, loving, caring and successful in your business career. As a working mother, you amaze us. Juggling day care, pumping your breasts, hectic schedules and still running your house making gourmet meals and entertaining friends. Although, I did chuckle when you spent an hour cleaning up the house yesterday before the cleaning lady got there. LOL.

Your dad and I are so proud of all you have accomplished in life. You are determined, a goal setter. You make me feel good about myself too because I must have done something right because you are so special. You have climbed mountains.
We love you.

Happy Birthday Jaime.

Traveling with Mom

“Where is my pocketbook?”
“Right here mom.”

“Where are the tissues?”
“Right here mom.”

“Mom, step up”

“Mom, step down.”

“No, mom it is not time for your pills.”

“No mom, no one came in and shook you.”

“I didn’t sleep all night.”

"Annie needs to put clothes on Ellerie."

“Where is my cane?”

“No mom, wrong car.”

“I changed my mind, I don’t want that.”

“Mom, that is the soap dispenser, not the hand dryer.”

“I didn’t sleep, it felt like Alaska.”

“Is it time for my pills?”

“Where is my pocketbook?”
“Right here mom.”

“There are two mens' room and no womens' room”
“Turn your head mom, you will see the W-O.”

“I lost my dollars for church.”

After twenty minutes selecting meal, every time my meal was delivered: “Oh, they had that, I would have ordered that.”

Last but not least, how is it that a person who you have to remind to change clothes, take a bath, wash hair will NOT sit down on toilet seat in a public restroom and has the wear-with-all to swipe hotel towels?

Vacation blogs

Vacation and grandchildren give you a string of blog topics. I didn't want to waste any time during vacation so I have decided to reflect back on a few memorable moments.

Ten hours a day in a crowded car with the hot sun beating in.... decided to blog and reflect. No computer so I guess scrap paper will do.

A little over two weeks ago my angst was trying to find my husband who was MIA the day I started to pack the car. Why oh why do men procrastinate to do things they want to do? For example, Fred waited in line hours in the AAA office to get maps and trip tickets, a tradition I thought we would forgo this year. After all, I had the I phone with a GPS. He returned to the house with a bag filled with tour books of every state we would be driving through. (passing through not stopping) There was one odd size very big book and I inquired: “What’s that?”

Like a kid with a proud report card, Fred said: “That is a book that tells every dog friendly motel in the U.S. and it only costs $10.00.”

Are you kidding me? Flash forward to the trip home. We pack the car again and venture out with leftover food, beer, wine, souvenirs, extra clothes the grandkids left behind. We had to say goodbye to two beach chairs. They had served us well. I thought we were going to have to put my mother on a chair on the roof like “Chevy Chase did in the movie Vacation.” Off we went on the next leg of trip to Pennsylvania and a family reunion.

But the kicker is this. Remember the trip ticket? Fred decided he didn’t want to go the AAA route. He wanted to go HIS way. He thought his way would be faster. After many years, the landscape of the area did not look the same and he missed a turn, we lost an hour’s drive. My cell phone was dead with all the “R U????” texts from our children who left a few hours ahead of us. It was extremely frustrating.

Fred also waited until the last minute and could not get us a reservation so we had to invade his sister’s house and really put her out. Oh well at least we know they were pet friendly.

Days Gone By

Days Gone By

I am thankful this year I got to see the grandbabies in February. That visit has to last me until June.

Once my girls married and left home and were living up north, Spring Break became a routine. I was in my car, driving north the Friday school let out. If I went to Ohio, then I did Mother’s Day in NJ or vice versa. There were Easter Egg hunts, birthday parties, dance recitals, dinners out, yard sales, shopping sprees and playgrounds. Fred would fly up after a week to drive back home with me.

Later, when we got our little dog, he would make the trip too. I guess we did this for about 8 years. A couple years ago, circumstances changed for us and the trips are not possible now.

Now Spring Break is home in Florida, filled with doctor appointments for Fred, Mom and myself. Dental check ups, eye appointments, procedures, blood work etc. all are crammed into a little over a week. I liked the old routine much better than this new one.

In June, I will be in that car driving north and headed for the Jersey shore. The thought of vacation sustains me at this time of the year. When I go to the doctors, I picture the kids on the beach or playing at dusk and I swear my blood pressure goes down ten points.

I had to have an anesthetic for my procedures this week and when they knocked me out it was the BEST part of my vacation. I could be a drug addict, no sweat. I love that knock out juice.

Blind-side

Blind-side: to catch unaware

Watched the movie twice already and the messages are powerful. There are times in our life when we are blindsided by an event or happening. I can relate. That is how I felt when mom came for a visit, had her stroke and we became her caretakers.

Sandra Bullock did a great job portraying a woman who in my terms “walked the walk”.  Her family reached out to a young man who had no one and made him a genuine member of their family. It had a real fairy tale ending.

My fairy tale ending would be that my mom would wake up and be happy to live in Sunny Florida. She would be happy to have a nice room, three cooked meals and people who take care of her and love her. But then I would really be blind-sided.

It is in the "Genes"

Making family connections is really life giving. It is so important for so many reasons. One of the reasons I feel so disconnected from my own brothers and sister is the fact that we have no new memories. When you get together you spend a lot of wasted time going over and over things from your childhood when you should be making new memories.

Opportunities to reconnect come when someone in the family makes the effort to plan a family reunion. My dad used to do this. When he died, we lost an entire side of the family. We grew up just 25 minutes away from all of our cousins and we still never saw them until Ukrainian Christmas, Ukrainian Easter or a wedding and a funeral.

This past week my first cousin flew here to visit my mother. I adored her when she was little and still do. She had a busy life as a child because she was an entertainer. My one big memory was when I was in HS I stayed at her house two weeks because my parents were away. She was only in 5th grade. Those were the past memories. We had not spent any time together since 1975. The last time I saw her was when my dad died.

But in a few short days, we were able to catch up, to reconnect. We made lots of new memories crammed in a few days. I lost my keys at least three times; she rummaged through her purse on several occasions looking for stuff. We laughed over and over as we realized we had so many things in common. She has a GPS and it was like the blind leading the blind trying to figure how to get it to work in Florida.

Even our health concerns were similar; she has problems with her throat me with my cough, and our super high familial cholesterol. Her mother lives with her out in Las Vegas and we could giggle about the challenges we face.

I sent her home to tell her husband and children a message. I told her to tell them, “ I found out I am not a crazy person, it is all in my genes”. We have decided that all of our craziness is just who we are.

This summer I plan on getting together with many of my cousins whom I have not seen since childhood and some who I never met. I know the experience will be the same and I cannot wait.

Games and the Martin Family

It was probably because Fred was poor and we did not go out much. We loved to play games, board games, and word games, trivia. When I married into the Martin’s, I fit right in with all of the crazy people. Fred’s mother aka Deedle was the absolute worse. She was cut throat. Annie & Jaime were just little kids and damn it, she would not let them win at “Candyland” or “Critter in the Candy”.

We would go to PA for a weekend and it was a "Trivia" marathon back in the 70’s. Fred was the king of “Boggle”. No one liked to play with him. He was so distracting because he would tee hee like the dog Precious in the cartoon. Every time he would snicker we knew he found a seven-letter word on the board.

Every family vacation you could count on card games or board games for family hysterics. Once we played the game “Pit” at Twenty Pines and kept getting in trouble by the adults we were making too much noise.
  
When our girls were older and dating, this was one way we sized up the boyfriends. How well could they handle the pressure of playing games in our house?   
 
Now with our grandchildren, it is the electronic game “Wii” or “American Idol.” I totally suck at these and I get very frustrated but judging from the laughter when I try to do them, still building memories. I enjoy watching the kids interact with each other and their parents. I would give a million if Fred’s mom were still around to see how she would play Wii or sing a Karaoke tune on the Idol game.

LOL

It is hard to believe but some people have been wondering where my blog has been. My grandchildren were in town last week and I was not about to lose one second of time. Our visits are so far in between. Of course I should not forget, grand kids mean I also get to see both of our girls at the same time. What a simple joy.

It wasn’t as bad as usual, the bombardment of what I refer to, as “mom abuse” was minimal. The girls tell me things like how I shouldn’t try to text after “50”. Texting is just not for me. That is why I had the major mess up these past months when I thought LOL meant lots of love. I found out the most current use is Laughing Out Loud. No big deal you say, well it is if you tell your sister you are thinking of her after you find out she broke both legs and then put lol .... Or you find out someone you care about lost her job after 20 years and you say you are in my thoughts lol but the worst was when I wrote a note to a priest and thanked him for his priesthood lol. Annie & Jaime went through a list of other text acronyms and when to use them or not to use them.

But with the “eye rolling” and gentle nudges are the things that really say we love you mom. They tell me I deserve to get my hair done, or nail, toes etc. They encourage me to exercise. Being with Annie & Jaime is a ten, they make me feel like mom. Every now and then they ask for my in put on things and I wonder just a bit if they are patronizing me. I enjoy the reflections of the past. It is funny how we all have a different take on certain memories too even though we were all there at the same time.

Sometimes, I look at my grandkids and they will turn their head a certain way, laugh a certain way, smile and it warms my heart because it zaps me back to days gone by when I was a stay at home mom battling blizzards, scrapping off ice, car pooling, chauffeuring, chaperoning field trips and loving every blessed minute of it all.

Here We Come Mickey

There is just something about Disney. One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I did not go on a trip south with my dad one year and go to Disney when it first opened. It is a vivid memory, the animation in his eyes when he showed us the home movies he took of Disney’s main street. Once I went there, I became the animated member of our clan.

Many years later, our first family trip was with two very small children. Jaime was still in a stroller and I remember her crying over and over because there were no rides for her. Disney since has fixed that and they have an entire area for little ones. Each new park fixed the mistakes of the previous one. Now long lines have mist sprits you when it is hot. They have fast passes to help with the wait. There are air-conditioned spirals that go on forever but at least it is cool.

Once we moved to Florida, Disney became a wonderful familiar place much like our feelings when we would go on the NJ boardwalks; so much so, we became irate and upset the year they covered Cinderella’s castle like a birthday cake in order to renovate. My family just did not want to hear it.

So many memories.... Each time the girl's favorite aunt came to town, she would treat them to a five star hotel and the parks. I have taken several field trips some as the chaperone parent, some as a teacher. I vividly remember Jaime's first roller coaster ride with her fifth grade class. The day before Annie left for college we did a mother-daughter thing at Epcot, a treasured memory logged in my mother's archive.

Now I look forward to a new adventure a sequel to Martin memories of sorts. Both daughters, all four grandbabies oh my. I feel like it is the week before Christmas. Unlike our tent camping experiences of 25 years ago, we will be in style in the Stanek’ s camper ala microwave, shower, kitchen and air.

I am actually dreaming of the different attractions and seeing the reactions of the grandkids roll in my mind like film with a laugh track. It will give me enough fodder for a hundred blogs I am sure.

We used to refer to a lengthy visit at Disney as MMS (Mickey Mouse Syndrome) I am ready with my yellow poncho. Here I come Mickey.

New Memories to Sustain Me Through the Year

I can never get enough of Christmas. It is a tonic, like a B 12 shot. The grandbabies are hysterical and brutally honest. They tell you if you are fat, if your hair looks bad, if your clothes look funny and then they top it off with how much they love and miss you.

You get to decorate the tree over and over and over again because Ellerie keeps taking off the bottom ornaments. I have watched Shrek the Halls every day and it kind of grows on you. Princess Fiona is starting to actually look pretty in her winter hat.

I love watching the girls brush Pap Pap’s hair and adorn his head with a princess headband. Ethan is going to have his own HBO comedy special one day. He is a riot. Today he announced in that he has a lot of energy and there is only one way to get rid of it. He has to “fart” to let out gas.

We started a new tradition this past summer. Grammy & Pap Pap taking the kids to a movie. Today’s adventure was Disney’s new Princess & the Frog. We loved all the New Orleans references and totally enjoyed the story. Fred said he was homesick for New Orleans. Personally, I think it is the “Biegnets” he is missing.

Annie seems to have a little of her mom in her. She had a craft party for Abbie and 9 eight-year-old friends. They made a huge glittery mess in basement and decorated a tree for a local senior center. Then Annie realized the tree was too big to take up stairs and out the door so we had to undecorate it and come up with a smaller tree to decorate for the center.

Paul was the chef tonight and made us some red hot chili from an internet recipe. It tasted wonderful and really cleared our sinuses. Only a few more days and my NJ adventure will begin with our grandson Luke. I can’t wait.

Christmas Past

Our first Christmas after we were only married two months, we had no ornaments. I improvised and used all of the white bows from our wedding, it was thrifty and pretty too.  Fred was so excited for me to open my huge gift. It was an orange garbage can with mushrooms that matched my canister set. (It was 70’s) No points there buddy.

Our second Christmas, he waited until Christmas Eve. He did not believe me when I told him our small town did not stay open. So that year I got no presents. No kidding.

Our third year was like can you top this. Fred bought a tree without me and it was a squatty bush. I tried everything to save it. I kept imagining that it would be like the Charlie Brown tree in the annual Christmas Special. Nope, it still sucked. I even bought red Christmas bulbs, our first real ornaments. Annie was 14 months old she was like most toddlers, inquisitive and lively. There were a few leftover red bulbs that I put in a big bowl on the table. Annie came in with the glass bulb in her hand. She thought it was an apple and took a big bite out of it. Yep you guessed it. She swallowed glass and I spent Christmas week at ER’s, doctors and sifting through poop diapers to see if she passed the pieces that showed up in her X-Rays.

Each year we have treasured mishaps or events that have become blessed memories. We made our own Martin Family traditions because we lived far away from family. We would have fondue on Christmas Eve, hide our stockings, and go to the beach on Christmas Day. When we first moved to Florida, I brought a little tree to the beach on Christmas, took the kids pictures in Santa hats and mailed the photo north when there was a blizzard just to rub it in. Ho Ho Ho.

Thanksgivings Past

Because people are so busy next week, I decided to post my Thanksgiving blog early.

All of my favorite Thanksgivings as a child were when we visited Downingtown and my Italian relatives.

At Henry & Dixie’s we would get up and after breakfast go to the rival Downingtown vs. Coatesville football game. We would go back and sit down and eat for hours one course after another course and Henry would entertain us with stories of Snagolene.

There were a few memorable Thanksgivings where we went to dinner at the Clemente side of the family. It was an unbelievable cultural experience. They brought out lasagna and we ate our fill only to find out it was the first course. Then they brought out turkey with all the trimmings and a roast beef too. After dinner fruit, nuts, pastry. We went downstairs and watched TV for a few hours and our hosts brought down a snack…. homemade pizza.

When we were married, we spent Thanksgiving with our friends the Merritt’s. Once we spent the day in the emergency room when Annie climbed on a riding toy and split open her chin. I worried the whole time my turkey was burning and when we got home, my friend had gone to our home and finished cooking the whole dinner for us.

We spent several "Walton" Thanksgivings in Washington, Pa. early in our marriage at Grandma Martin’s. She sometimes had 40 plus people for her dinner. There were long tables set up in the basement and cousins running around everywhere. It was awesome. After Grandma and Grandpap couldn’t do it anymore, we had the holiday with Pap Pap and Deedle and her famous 8 hour turkey cooked in a paper grocery bag.

In Florida we were pretty much on our own. I would try to invite others if I knew they did not have a family. Once, I accidently picked up the brown vanilla bottle and doused it in my gravy and ruined the whole dinner. I thought it was the brown “Kitchen Bouquet” bottle. I will never live that one down.

This year my husband will be working and my kitchen will be torn apart for much needed renovations. I am thankful for the memories of Thanksgiving’s past. I pass the torch to our children and grandchildren to make new memories.

Pride & Joy

The fall has always been a kick off time for family and reflection. This is probably because of the many celebrations for the Martin’s at this time of the year. This week I thought of the many milestones and extreme feelings of pride I have experienced throughout the years.

The girls were involved in music programs, academics and there were many evenings where as parents we felt like we would burst.

When Jaime graduated college it was very emotional. Jaime was the child who had to work very hard for her honor roll report cards. She was the kid crying at the dinner table in elementary school struggling with the subjects that she found not to her liking. When she graduated high school, she got a job immediately in a law office and was doing very well. We were surprised when a year later she quit and said she was ready for college. We all had an investment in her education not just financially but emotionally so her graduation was a blubbering event. James topped it off by secretly showing us the engagement ring he would give her later.

I was most proud of Annie when as a young woman she faced great adversity and trial and rose to the top. When you think of survivor and the words “suck it up” and go on, that is Annie. When she found Paul and they were married there wasn’t a dry eye in the place including the groom. It was as if she climbed a mountain and made it to the summit and survived. Needless to say, even the tornado that came through and canceled the outdoor event could not burst anyone’s bubble.

But the single most significant event in my entire married life even over the birth of our children was when my husband Fred waited for me to greet him on the stage when he received his nursing graduation pin. He reached for my hand and we walked across the stage together. It was equal to the day I walked down the aisle and saw his smiling face. We had set a goal and together we had achieved what we deemed the impossible.

Each day I am reminded when Fred comes home animated and telling me about his day at the hospital of the joy I felt on his graduation day.

All things Equal

If you are a product of the sixties, you can relate to this motherhood syndrome. It is where you try like hell to make things equal. It starts all the way back to the day you bring them home from the hospital. You make decisions based on is it fair and you fail miserably. I remember I brought Jaime home from the hospital in the exact same outfit, had her Christened in the same dress and so on and so on. Now years later, I am stuck with boxes of stuff because how do you pick who to pass it on to???

In grade school you sign up to be room mother at a time when you are overworked and stressed because after all you were Annie’s room mother and it would not be fair. At Christmas, you carefully try to juggle the amount of money you spend and have the same amount of boxes under the tree for them to open.

When they were teenagers I hated to hear the words “It is Not Fair. She gets to do this, she gets to ride in the front seat, she can stay up later. I threatened to put the words on their tombstone one day. Consequently, I tried to instill the point that sometimes life is not fair. These words come back to haunt me because they remind me often when I am droning on and on about my current life problems.

You might wonder what prompted today’s blog. It is guilt. I wished Annie Happy Birthday on my blog. Looking back to September I realized I could have done the same thing with Jaime on her birthday. The only excuse I can come up with is I was a neophyte blogger and learning how I could come up with topics to express myself and have a voice.

Jaime, I will even things out soon, I know I owe you a blog tribute.

Love,

Mom

Annie Bananie

There are no words that can describe how you feel about the first child you placed at your breast. After 24 hours of labor, Annie and I got a rough start. She was due on October 8th and born on October 31st. That should have been my clue she would grow up to be independent, strong willed and sometimes scary.

She follows “first child” descriptions pretty close. She is an over achiever, analytical and likes to compete. Whatever she does she does very well.

Some of my favorite memories are times when Annie surprised us. We refer to them as meltdowns now. Some children have a melt down daily, but Annie was selective. Her first was not with me. I had a night class at college and it was exam week when Annie had to do a speaking part at school. She was only in kindergarten and they wanted her to do an introduction at an evening event. Fred described it to me later. It was just like the Brady Bunch episode when Cindy got stage fright. The guilt I felt was gut wrenching because I was not there to console her.

Later, when she was in the fifth grade, it was the spelling bee competition. She forgot to capitalize Junior. (I could be wrong on this one) She ran off to the ladies room where I tried in vain to make her roll it off.

She got over her fear of microphones and audiences because she often emceed shows in middle school and high school. One time we went to a chorus concert and to our surprise she sang several solos and wowed the audience. We almost fell off the chair.

But the single surprise that caught us totally off guard was when she was home a weekend from college and wanted to get highlights in her hair. I had a hairdresser come to the house and when he was finished she looked a bit like Madonna. Her highlights were white frosting… a lot of frosting. She cried hysterically for 24 hours. I am not even sure it is something we laugh about yet. This was a bad hair event like no other.

Annie survived her childhood and adolescence. She has grown into a strong adult woman, loving wife, devoted mom who values love, relationship and friendship. Annie is the “gentle listener” like her father. She lets things roll off her back now and says no big deal. We are proud of all she has accomplished and especially the way she tackles all of the challenges of being a stay at home mom. Happy Birthday Annie, I did not forget this year.

My Love and My Life

The early sit com of the 50’s and 60’s often portrayed, what I would call a “picket fence” marriage. The father went off nine to five, came home and mom was in her housedress and apron and the kids were manicured sitting around a dinner table. What a bunch of crap…

Anyway, when I visualized what my romantic life might be like, I got some things right. Fred did come in like a white knight and rescue me from Bridgeton. We made life choices that required that we were the sole support for one another like living away from home. This was the cement that kept our marriage strong year after year. Any mistakes we made we could not blame anyone else.

Fred was steadfast when I nursed our babies when it was not the norm. He diapered, bathed them and was the guy with a baby on his back at theme parks. Fred was the go to guy when the girls had colic as infants. We had the “family bed” before they had psych books written about it and our girls turned out just fine, thank you very much.

Fred never flinched in our early years of marriage when I sold our bedroom furniture because we needed money for tires on the car and he came home to an empty bedroom. He did get a little mad when I called the radio station and gave away his brother’s dog though. He is a quiet man, a thinker. There were so many times he could have exploded like “Ricky Ricardo” but he did not. He was the perfect role model to teach our children to make “Decisions to Love”.

His love has always been unconditional. He loved me through my own “Lucy” moments. He has come home to holes in the floor where the toilet was, walls knocked down, and spontaneous visitors. He is used to my rearranging furniture at a blink of the eye. When our food bills tripled when Annie and Jaime were in high school, not a problem, he seemed to enjoy the extra boyfriends at the table.

Fred stopped the car in front of a college and pushed me out and said go in and sign up, “You can do it”. His encouragement and devotion helped me achieve my goal to be a teacher.

He is the rock in our family. Today is our 38th wedding anniversary and I could go on and on about his love and devotion. I adore you Fred. You are my love and my life. Happy Anniversary and Happy Birthday (one way to make sure they never forget your anniversary, marry them on their birthday)

How can you not love a man who sits down ten minutes every day and writes you a love letter?

"Hi Grammy"

How do I feel when I here a little voice say “Hi Grammy, Hi Grammy”? It is better than any tonic or vitamin. Ellerie is our youngest granddaughter. She will be two on Halloween and recently has started to say Grammy. She says it better than any of the other kids when they were little.

With Ab, I was Gammy for a long while. My grandsons Ethan and Luke took their good ole time until they could say Grammy and called me a variety of things in the meantime. The “R” sound is really hard for the little ones.

Ellerie seemed as excited as I am when she says it. Last night, she said Hi Grammy no less than a dozen times before she finally relinquished the phone to Annie. It was fun to visualize my daughter trying to catch her as she ran around with the phone.

El called again tonight and I heard her little voice say "Hi Grammy". The main reason this is such a huge deal is for the past nine years whenever any grandchild had anything to say to me on the phone it was one thing and one thing only….

"Where’s Pap Pap?"