Thursday, March 15, 2012

What time is it?

It is time to make changes. It is time to dream. It is time to live and be in control.

This week is my spring break. I have cleaned, moved all furniture and pictures in my house, an OCD trait that I have always had but in last four years it has been quite apparent it is compulsive. Control is the big issue here. What is it that can be controlled when you think your life is spiraling out of control?

Last summer we took one week off to go to Myrtle Beach. Sadly, one of the reasons was to have time with Fred’s brother Chuck who was dying of cancer. He lost his battle in the fall and we were all so thankful for that summer together. But I came home different. Life is too short.

The first thing about my life that I decided I could control was what I ate, my weight. Getting healthy became a priority. Visualization is something that always worked for me in the past. Putting pictures on the fridge of cars, furniture, vacations etc have always been part of my repertoire. I decided to do this again and started to surround myself with pictures of me smiling with me grandkids, family and friends.

Another first is deciding to comply with the doctors and take the pills I need to shake my depression and also sleep at night. I did not want to go this route but with the encouragement of those around me and also my doctor’s concern and lecture I said OK. His genuine fear I was going to hurt myself made me feel embarrassed like a scolded child.

My personal visualizations included mental images on my bicycle again. This escape was one from childhood. When the wind hits my face, it is exhilarating. Riding is not exercise it is freedom. I ride almost every day weather permitting. Roller-skating gives me the same feeling but no courage to skate again. After my broken wrist last year, I am not so sure.

Having a short vacation break is the needed boost it is meant to be. I feel like the “energizer bunny”. I am even looking forward to returning to work with all the ideas I have been cooking up in my head this week.

Take one day at a time. Savor each day. Accept what you cannot control, God is in control.