Aftermath

There is such a weird feeling after you put away your holiday decorations. I think it has something to do with texture. You know how the home improvement shows are always talking about texture. Once the trees, wreaths and Poinsettias are gone, the house looks naked. I mean stripped. It is no wonder people get depression or winter blues.

For me I have trouble remembering where I relocated my accessories. Next year I am going to write down where I put them. One year, it was six months before I found some of them. I had put them in a Christmas box I emptied out and then it was packed away as holiday decorations. For the longest time I thought I must have sold them at one of my desperate yard sales.

For weeks after I put away everything, I keep finding things. I look up and see a little elf or ornament. I am sure that is how the author of the “Elf on the Shelf” got the idea. She was probably sitting on the toilet in July and looked up and saw a Christmas decoration she left on the shelf. Why didn’t I think of that? She has made a lot of money on that children’s story. It is a new classic.

One good thing is even though you haven’t really cleaned, the sheer emptiness of your rooms makes it look like you have. It is a great fake out. Today, I skipped the mopping and just walked around the house looking for texture. I ended up bringing in a couple plants from outdoors, throwing a blanket over the couch and picked my dog up and put him on the couch...Yep, looks like texture to me. Mopping can wait.

A Game I Play in My Head

The first time I learned about the word oxymoron in an English class it just stuck. It seems like my life has been filled with examples. It has always been fun to recognize them. We see many in the course of a day. Back in the day when I taught language arts it was one of the lessons I enjoyed until one day when a student said something to me and I said, now that’s an oxymoron. The next day, I was called in to hear that a parent complained because her son said I called him a moron. (I digress)

There are times we are reminded when we are frustrated like standing in an “express line” forever in the store or when you are at a “stop and go” gas station and a message pops up to go inside and then you wait in line for the receipt.

This week facebook has people posting a bunch of retro photos. I started going through some old photos and said oh no, not that one I was just a “little pregnant” there. No one is a little pregnant or “slightly overweight” for that matter. How does one get the tag “pretty ugly”?

The grocery isles are the worst. Who thought of Chocolate ‘Nilla wafers?
There is “designer beer”, “diet ice cream”, “jumbo shrimp”.

Clothing we wear offer food for thought, like “dress jeans” or “loose tights”. You get invited to a gathering and the dress is “dressy casual”. The first time I heard this term I thought someone was messing with me.

Today I heard two more in a conversation with friends. One friend said he liked “planned spontaneity” and the other said their life was “organized chaos”.

Me, I hope to be a “mildy psychotic”, “young sixty” next year, maybe be “half naked” drinking a “dry martini” on a beach somewhere playing my “moron” game.

This blog idea hit me today when I saw the big new wall on the turnpike. It now blocks the view of Florida’s magnificent herons and ibis wildlife I used to see on my morning drive. But wait, what’s that I see, they have engraved pictures of wildlife on the walls. I wonder if that is an oxymoron????????

Straight to Heaven or Hell

There are some inventions and new ideas that are heaven sent. I thought of this as Florida has a cold snap this week and my HHR has a “butt” warmer. This seat warmer is like a cozy blanket on a cold night. LOVE it.

Facebook is another “gift”. Connecting with lost family, friends, co-workers can be a real relationship builder. In our generation we were on the phone constantly tying up lines. Now the kids hooked up via I phone or laptops.

There is a gadget that separates coffee filters I use daily that I love. However, this invention makes me just a little angry because I swear I invented it when I used to wait tables. I used a baby food jar with putty on the bottom to pick up the filters, which is not too different from my gadget.

Thank you to the Egyptians for make up and hair-dye now that I am starting to look my age.

I love white out pens. I use them for a lot of different things besides mistakes, like signing your name on a black art paper, covering chip marks on white walls, writing on rocks, sneakers, ceramic mugs.

But the other side of the coin we have the inventions that drive you up a wall.

My neighbor has wind chimes on her porch and I cannot sleep at night with my windows open.

Safety tops for prescriptions are a real pain. I can’t believe how difficult they are for and adult to open. It is no secret kids CAN get them open faster.

The toilet that saves water. Hello??????? Admit it, it takes two flushes for the early morning ritual so are we really saving any water? I don’t think it keeps the toilet as clean, so I flush more and clean it more. UGH!

The single worst invention of the millennium is the BRA that guy should not pass go and go straight to hell.

Short Analysis

Last night, I had a weird dream. Ellerie my grandbaby had a poopy diaper and some poop made its way to the floor. Then Ethan, my grandson accidently sat in it. He promptly ran over to me and gave me a hug and then I had poop all over me while Abbie screamed in background. It is so easy to analyze this dream it is ridiculous.

There are three possibilities. At first I thought, it means I am full of sh-t (which my husband Fred and daughters attest to daily) Then I thought that it might mean Sh-t is everywhere which could have been a thought planted in my subconscious as I walked through our garage earlier in the day. But the obvious reason of course is Sh-t just happens.

Thanks for the Memories

Taking whirlwind trips have been part of our life for years. We have lived away from our hometowns most of our married lives. Now that our girls have grown and are living in different states the holiday road trips continue. Things have changed though but somehow oddly remain the same.

No more AAA trip tickets we have a GPS on the phone. (Thank God, because we all know real men don’t ask for directions) Baby food in coolers… replaced by dog food. Pampers replaced by depends for mom mom. No bags of car toys but doggie toys and rosary beads.  We still pack the stocking stuffers but alas perfumes, jewelry and the like were replaced with corn pads, muscle rub and pill containers. Now that can be a downer.

Our don’t forget check lists forgo things like curlers, cameras, electric razors but now include phones, computers, chargers, I pods, Fred’s pills, my mom’s pills and my meds. Also, the emergency medication lists in case anyone takes a trip to ER. The dog’s license and shot information is important in case Cappy needs to go to a vet; he is also a senior now. Oh I almost forgot, I pack the “Bed Buddy” warmer and use microwaves at gas station marts to heat it up. Fred used to be the only Bed Buddy I needed when we were young.

My reading magazines like Country Living, Country Home were replaced by self help books to help me analyze who I am, how I got this way and if there is any hope for me.

All in all, I would do it over again, dreaded packing, brave snow, sleet rain and the like to see the smiling faces of the people I love.
The Stones: Paul, Annie, Abbie, Ethan, Ellerie
The Staneks: James, Jaime and Luke.
Thanks for the Memories